Sunday, October 2, 2022
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    Don’t Go To Sleep Before Checking Under Your Bed for Antifa, Cancel Culture, and Critical Race Theory

    If you’re one of the millions of Americans who is still going to bed each night without checking under your bed for one of the three most dangerous killers out there, stop!

    Everyone knows that Antifa, Cancel Culture, and Critical Race Theory pose a clear and present danger to the safety of the Republic. Antifa is out there protesting against fascism! Imagine the gall to be anti-fascist when we all know that a fascist, nationalist, authoritarian regime is exactly what the Constitution demands! Cancel Culture, is of course the attempt by the left to take away all the racist and sexist jokes we hold so dear, while Critical Race Theory literally teaches our kindergarteners to hate all white people!

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    There isn’t a danger more lethal to America and the American Dream than being against fascism, asking people not to make fun of people for their skin color or sexual identity, or worse yet TALKING about racism! Yet, so many Americans go to bed every night, blissfully but rather dangerously ignoring the reality that Antifa, Cancel Culture, and Critical Race Theory might be hiding underneath their very bed!

    Worry not, though, dear readers. We have a simple, nightly routine you can employ to help you check under your bed — thoroughly and completely — for any traces or signs of these three deadly killers.

    How to Check Under Your Bed for Antifa, Cancel Culture, and Critical Race Theory

    #1. Get down on the floor.

    #2. Lift up any sheets or blankets covering the gap between your bed and the floor.

    #3. Shout something into the dark space under your bed. Things like:

    • “The election was stolen from Donald Trump!”
    • “The confederate flag is a symbol of heritage, not hate!”
    • “Tax cuts for the wealthy trickle down to the poor!”
    • “Iraq had an active WMD program!”
    • “Marjorie Taylor Greene is sane and does not smoke crack!”

    If Antifa, Cancel Culture, or Critical Race Theory are under your bed and you shout any of the things above, you’ll find them. Just listen for the non-stop avalanche of laughter. The agents of evil who work for Antifa, Cancel Culture, and Critical Race Theory cannot resist laughing their sarcastic laughs at the things true blue, red blooded, ammo hoarding Christian American patriots know are very real.

    Protect yourselves. Protect your loved ones. Don’t go to sleep before you check under your bed for Antifa, Cancel Culture, and Critical Race theory, and teach your kids and grandkids to do the same. America, and indeed Jesus and God themselves, are counting on you, Patriot!

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    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

    James Schlarmannhttps://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.