Sunday, October 2, 2022
No menu items!
More

    Will Republican Interns Still Be Able to Get Abortions After the Supreme Court Overturns Roe?

    This morning, the Supreme Court told abortion providers in Texas they can continue to challenge the state’s 6-week abortion ban, but still let the controversial law stay in place while those legal challenges play out. In tandem with the oral arguments the Supreme Court heard last week in a separate abortion rights case, and it seems that heavily conservative court — whose conservative justices were largely appointed by presidents who did not win the popular vote — it would seem that Roe Vs. Wade is headed for the historical dustbin, and abortion rights in America will be drastically different from that point forward.

    One question that has come up again and again, however, is a one that we here at Satirical Facts are willing to ask ourselves, once more, in this space. In a post-Roe America, just how hard will it be to get an abortion? More specifically, to a subset of Americans, this case could greatly impact their right a discreet abortion.

    Will Republican Interns Still Be Able to Get Abortions After the Supreme Court Overturns Roe?

    As always, we tried to find the best experts in the field to answer this question, and when every single one turned us down, we found the following people instead, and they shared their thoughts and feelings on the subject with us.

    Susan Susanovich, 63, Retired Paralegal

    “In a system of justice where everything is equal, then the Republican interns would be forced to live under the same rules as everyone else. However, given that Republican congressmen love to knock up women they aren’t married to, well, I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet they won’t notice much a difference in the post-Roe landscape.”

    Bill Williamson, 40, Personal Injury Attorney

    “Do you see Matt Gaetz NOT putting his disgusting dong in easily duped young interns any time soon? Then, well, there’s your answer.”

    Kimberly Stroller, 57, Law Professor

    “Does a bear shit in the woods? Does Don Trump shit in Ted Cruz’s mouth? Some questions are just too silly to even answer.”

    Can God Be Prosecuted for Miscarriages if the Supreme Court Throws Out Roe?

    Become a Patron!

    Follow James on Instagram.
    Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


     

    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

    James Schlarmannhttps://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.