Sunday, October 1, 2023
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    New Fashion Trend: Wearing Your IQ on Your Hat

    There’s a hot new fashion trend these days, and we just had to report on it because we know how important it is to our readership to stay up on all the current fads. Maybe you’ve seen Americans wearing hats with various numbers on them and wondered to yourself what that was all about.

    Well, worry no more. We talked to a leading fashion designer, and she gave us the skinny, low-down, scoop, and details as she broke it down, explained it, and educated us about this hot new trend.

    “Oh, yes, I know the trend you’re referring to. It’s the IQ on Hat trend. It was made really popular in 2017, and it doesn’t look like it’s going away, at least in the states that fought for the confederacy,” fashion designer Suzie Beauxcoosy told us in a Skype call. “Basically, people find out their IQs, and they proudly broadcast their scores on their hats. From what I can gather, it’s a way for morons to self-identify, but then also find more people in their moronic community.”

    One interesting aspect of the IQ on Hat trend, Ms. Beauxcoosy told us, is that so many of the people who participate in it, have the same number emblazoned on their chapeau.

    “Who knew there were so many mouth-breathing, unwashed, inbred, ammo hoarding, God loving, gravy chugging Americans with the exact same IQ,” Beauxcoosy asked rhetorically. “Then again, looking at the exit polling data from 2020, it looks like there are about 75 million people with the same IQ on their hats. Wild, isn’t it?”

    Beauxcoosy isn’t sure how long the trend will last, but says there are signs of it being “like the little black dress or white robe and hood” in certain parts of the country.

    “It’s never easy to predict when fashion trends will wax or wane. All I know is that as many people as there are in this country who still think Trickle Down works, and that who don’t think slavery was the root cause of the Civil War,” Beauxcoosy supposed, “the IQ on hat trend may be here to stay. At least in the Bible Belt.”

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    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

    James Schlarmann
    James Schlarmann
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.