Sunday, October 1, 2023
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    Huckabee Sanders Says Next Time Jim Acosta Should Just Grab Intern By The Pussy

    WASHINGTON, D.C. —  White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, just a day after revoking his press credentials and posting a dubious, highly-edited video to justify the administration’s decision, suggested that CNN reporter Jim Acosta should have simply “grabbed the intern by the pussy” and he’d still have valid credentials.

    “Look, the simple fact here is that anyone who has watched the videos we’ve put out can clearly see that Jim Acosta is a dangerous, black belt sexual offender who simply had to be removed from the press pool for everyone’s safety,” Huckabee Sanders said through bites of her chocolate dipped nacho cheese croissandwich as she walked into the White House this morning. “But the simple truth is that if Jim had just grabbed her by the pussy, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion today, would we?”

    Late Wednesday night, Huckabee Sanders tweeted what appears to be a doctored video of the incident in order to help support the White House’s decision to revoke Acosta’s press credentials. As easily as the edits were to identify in the first video, a second video put out in cooperation yet again with InfoWars took the edits to a whole new level. Acosta is seen engaging in a number of kung fu fights with the young intern in the newest video.

    You can watch the clip below:

    “Jim should know by now how things operate around here. You know that saying, ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do,’ applies to this White House,” Huckabee Sanders said. “Speaking of Rome, the president has taken up the fiddle.”

    Huckabee said that if Acost had simply grabbed the intern by her genitals “like a patriot,” the White House would have looked at it as “just be a little locker room sexual assault” and let the incident slide. The press secretary said Acosta may even have been up for consideration to be on the 2020 campaign media team had he decided to simply grab the intern by her female parts. Once Acosta “attacked the intern with a full-on Judo chop,” however, all bets were off and his credentials had to be pulled for everyone’s safety.

    CNN has stood by Acosta throughout this ordeal, and did not comment on this story.

    James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

    James Schlarmann
    James Schlarmann
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.