Tuesday, September 26, 2023
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    UK Protests of His State Visit Prompt Trump to Threaten “American Revolution II”

    LONDON, ENGLAND — The American president’s state visit to the United Kingdom is not going, perhaps, quite as well as he’d hoped. President Donald Trump was greeted with a giant phallus mowed into the grass as a sign of protest against the White House’s environmental policies, in a field right near the airstrip that Air Force One, carrying Mr. Trump, landed. Trump was so shaken by the lack of Fox News in the UK that he publicly protested to his Twitter followers about it.

    Mr. Trump was apparently so upset by there not being Fox News programming for him to watch that he seemed to start a boycott of CNN’s parent company AT&T. Such a move might be seen as gross overstepping of presidential powers in administrations past, but Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) assured the public that the president is white and Republican and therefore McConnell says “everything this president does is just fine” by him.

    Mr. Trump also lashed out on Twitter and London Mayor Sadiq Khan. Mayor Khan penned a scathing op-ed, lambasting Trump for his comments about Duchess Meghan Markle being “nasty” because in 2016 she heavily criticized him. Trump has attempted an about-face from those comments, but they were recorded and in front of several witnesses so it’s unclear how effective his attempts to distance himself from those comments will ultimately be.

    Apparently, sources close to the president say that his UK visit has been off to such a bumpy, turbulent start that he is “seeing red with anger” and he feels “bigly insulted.” According to several people highly placed within the Trump administration, consideration is being given to the possibility of starting a second American Revolution in response to the “absolutely true but horribly mean” things that have been said about President Trump.

    “The president looked Queen Elizabeth dead in the eyes and told her that he was sick and tired of everyone listening to what he says and then repeating it back to the masses before he could twist, distort, and lie about it,” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said with a mouthful of nachos. “He told her that if he’s not treated as he is lawfully required to be, he will start American Revolution II, and we will win and become doubly independent from them!”

    The UK and U.S. have been essentially in a state of mutually declared peace since the end of the War of 1812, but Trump apparently feels seeing a giant inflated baby that looks like him is “enough to rip up all treaties with the British,” Huckabee Sanders explained.

    “Look, the president firmly believes he has a right to never see or hear criticism,” Huckabee Sanders said, “and it says right there in the Constitution he not only can, but pretty much HAS to start a war with countries he feels are being little meanie heads to him. This isn’t the president’s doing. This is the result of people thinking they have the right to say things to President Trump without getting permission from President Trump first, pure and simple.”

    There has been no response thus far from Buckingham Palace or Parliament. Sean Hannity, however, weighed in on the development on his radio show this morning.

    “I think that’s great. Truly great. We haven’t won a war definitively in this country since the end of World War II,” Hannity said. “So obviously, we’re better at sequel wars. A second American Revolution would be just the kind of sequel this country needs to unite together and realize that the taste of Orange Fanta, treason, Borscht, and shame isn’t so bad after all.”

    More: Texas Democrat Pushes Bill That Would Sentence Masturbating Men To Death

    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

    James Schlarmann
    James Schlarmannhttps://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.