President Promises TrumpCare Will ‘Absolutely Cover Non-Existing Conditions’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump appears to be already jockeying for position in ...

Jesus: “It’s Cute When Christians Think Bernie’s Too Socialist”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — This morning during a heavenly press conference, Jesus Hubert ...

Man’s Dick Suing Him For Power of Attorney

VALLE CHORIZO, CALIFORNIA — A landmark case is working itself through the California court ...

Jesus Christ Announces He’s Returned to Try Another Sandwich

BUFFALO, NEW YORK —  The Bible foretells that when the End Times are upon ...

Tennessee Democrats Considering a 48-Hour Waiting Period for Erections

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE — In 2015, conservatives in Deep Red Tennesee seriously considered making the ...

5 Reasons You Should Not Vote for Bernie Sanders

Should you vote for Bernie Sanders? We have no clue. Seriously. We don’t. It’s ...

Trump Campaign Buys Hundreds of Thousands of Tiki Torches in Anticipation of Rally Crowd Sizes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s re-election campaign issued a financial report today containing ...

President’s Rape Accuser Subpoenas McDonald’s for Trump’s DNA

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Advice columnist E. Jean Carroll is currently locked in a legal ...