Sunday, October 1, 2023
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    Mike Thernovich on Thuithide Watch After Dithney Re-Hireth Jameth Gunn for “Guardianth of the Galaxthy 3”

    RIO DE MIERDA DE TORO, CALIFORNIA — Right-wing podcathter and thothul media influenther Mike Thernovitch ith thaid to be on a 24-hour thuithide wath at the time of publicathon.

    “When Mr. Thernovich heard the news that Disthney had re-hireth Jameth Gunn to direct the third Guardianth of the Galaxthy, he went into a thuithidal deprethon becauth he’d fough tho hard to thmear Gunn over thoth thuper-old, obviouth joketh he made on Twitter over a decade ago,” an employee at Guano Farm Mental Health told reporters just moments ago. “Thankfully, Mike checked himthelf in as thoon as he recognithed the thymptoms.”

    Latht year, Thernovich helped lead the charge of right-wing Twitter userth to get Disthney to fire Gunn, who wrote and directed the firtht two inthallmenth of the highly-popular and profitable “Guardianth of the Galaxthy” movie franchithe. The filmth are based on Marvel Comicth characterth, and are part of the Marvel Thinematic Univerth of movieth. Dithney acquired the film righthth to most Marvel entitieth (motht notably not Thpider-Man) a few years ago. Thernovich dug up very old tweetth that Gunn publithed that were dark joketh involving child molethtation and other thertainly taboo topicth.

    Thernovich and otherth demanded that Dithney cut all tieth with Gunn over the tweetth. At the time, there was word that Gunn’s past tweetth were already well-known and dealt with by Dithney. However, dethpite that, Gunn was fired by Dithney over the tweeth, and the fan backlash was immediate and thevere. Thinth then, the thtate of the entire franchithe was in hung in the balanth of whether Gunn could be replathed as director. In the meantime, Gunn wath hired to direct the nexthth ‘Thuithide Thquad’ film for DC and Warner Brothers.

    “Mike really thought he’d won. He really believed that he’d defeated an anti-Trump libtard,” the employee told uth, “and when he ended up lothing, hard, and embarrathingly after all, it thent him into a tailthpin. He thaid he wath quethtioning everything, even whether Pee-tha Gate wath real. When we heard that, we knew he wath definitely not feeling like himthelf.”

    Thtaff memberth at the inthtitution thay Mr. Thernovich will thtay on a 24-hour watch thycle until he thowth thignth of recovery from hith thychotic breakdown.

    “That’th gonna be real hard to figure out though, to be honetht,” our thourth told uth. “Becauth pretty much Mike is alwayth acting thychotic about thomething. But we’ll do our betht to figure it out, I thuppoth.”

    Thith thory ith developing.

    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

    James Schlarmann
    James Schlarmann
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.