Friday, June 9, 2023
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    Biden Aide Apologizes to Motherfuckers for Inadvertantly Shortening Their Name

    For four years now, Republicans have largely told the rest of the country to “get over it” in terms of the tone, tenor, and rhetoric of the most powerful man in the free world. Throughout his tenure as president, Donald Trump has rankled many and ruffled quite a few feathers with his penchant for saying whatever he wants to say, whenever he wants to say it. Famously, he was elected despite audio tape surfacing of him admitting to “grabbing” women “by the pussy,” and referred to many third-world countries once as a “shithole.”

    To say it’s been a presidency rife with moments in which Trump uttered something someone might find offensive would likely be the understatement of the century. However, four years of defending profanity-laced insults and tirades from a sundowning septuagenarian reality-TV racist con man apparently did not prepare Republicans for hearing potty words uttered about them. This week, many clutched their pearls when a report of leaked audio of one Joe Biden’s aides calling the GOP a “bunch of fuckers” was published, saying it was not a good omen of working together in the future.

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    Ms. Jen O’Malley Dillon  was Biden’s campaign manager and will be his deputy chief of staff once he takes office next month. Leaked audio of Dillon saying she was hopeful that the Biden administration can work with congressional Republicans despite being a “bunch of fuckers,” was just too much for Marco Rubio, one of Trump’s most loyal toadies, and he tweeted his disdain for her vocabulary choice.

    Today Ms. Dillon offered an apology for her choice of adjectives.

    Jen O’Malley Dillon, President-elect Joe Biden’s campaign manager and incoming White House deputy chief of staff, walked back comments she made in a recent interview suggesting that congressional Republicans were “a bunch of f—ers.”

    The mea culpa came in a virtual conversation Thursday with veteran Democratic operatives Stephanie Cutter and Teddy Goff, during which O’Malley Dillon acknowledged she “used some words that I probably could have chosen better” when speaking with author Glennon Doyle for a Glamour magazine interview published Tuesday. (Politico)

    Shortly after Dillon’s apology was publicized, President-elect Biden was asked about the controversy by reporters who happened upon him getting some morning exercise in, doing physical therapy on his recently broken foot.

    “Well, Bub, let me tell you something. I didn’t like when Jen said that,” Biden said. “Because I’ve told my people from day one, you call people what they are, and leaving the ‘mother’ out of it meant they weren’t called the motherfuckers they are, and that’s just not gonna fly in the Biden era, Jack!”

    Biden then explained why it was “so vital” that the right monikers and labels be used for people.

    “I don’t call people who enable a full-scale post-election assault on our democracy anything but motherfuckers, do you? I don’t call people who put babies in cages after ripping them from their mothers arms just plain Jane fuckers,” Biden said, “I call them motherfuckers. Anyone who rushes a judge onto the Supreme Court bench instead of rushing to get financial aid to millions of Americans in the middle of a pandemic is what? You guessed it, a motherfucker, and in my administration, we call people what they are, Squirt!”

    ALSO: Trump’s Lawyers Ask Supreme Court to Declare His Hands and Genitals ‘Normal’

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    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

    James Schlarmann
    James Schlarmann
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.