Tuesday, September 26, 2023
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    Donald Trump Jr.’s Book on Hold While Doctors Fish the Crayon Out of His Nose

    NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The Second Smartest Donald Trump in the World, son of the President of the United States, has inked a book deal, according to several reports. President Donald Trump’s third most intelligent son, Donald Trump Jr., has announced a deal with publisher Center Street Press. The financial details of the book were not disclosed. There is not a title for the new book, either. However, Mr. Trump Jr. says he will address the “great achievements” of his father’s presidential administration in it.

    Though the book deal is quite fresh, word out of Trump Land is that Junior already had to put the book on hold for emergency medical reasons. A team of doctors is currently trying to remove the crayon he was using to write his tome from Trump Jr.’s left nostril. There was already a Lego piece in his right nostril, further complicating the issue.

    “Just after noon, our switchboard received an urgent call from Donald Trump Jr.’s executive assistant, stating that he’d gotten a crayon lodged up inside his nose, and that everyone was afraid he’d pull his brain cell out with it if he tried too hard,” Dr. Kenneth Kilroy of St. Mary’s Hospital of the Upper West Side told reporters just moments ago. “Within moments we had an ambulance in route and the best pediatricians on our staff were in it, headed for Mr. Trump Jr.’s office.”

    Upon arriving, doctors found a frantic Donald Trump Jr..

    “GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! MOMMY! GET IT OUT,” Trump Jr. was heard screaming. “I got da crown stuck in my nose, MOMMY!”

    Medical staff was alarmed to find the crayon, small and orange, lodged extremely tightly in the president’s son’s nose. The junior Trump kept flailing around and crying as doctors tried to calm him down enough to attempt an extraction of the crayon. Nothing they did seemed to work though.


    It’s unclear at this time how long it will take the team to remove the crayon. Even though both nostrils are blocked, doctors are actually convinced Trump Jr. won’t have any problems inhaling or exhaling.

    “Normally we’d be worried with both nostrils plugged, but he’s been a mouth-breather his whole life, so he’ll be just fine,” Dr. Kilroy said.

    The White House is said to have been alerted to the situation, but since it doesn’t involve his daughter Ivanka or his other daughter, The Not Ivanka Blonde one, the president doesn’t care.

    Another Story: McConnell: “Trump’s Not Above The Law, It Just Doesn’t Apply To Him”

    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

    James Schlarmann
    James Schlarmannhttps://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.