Monday, October 2, 2023
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    Does The Constitution Let Fake Audits and Hurt Feelings Remove Real Presidents From Office?

    In Arizona and Georgia, Republicans still loyal to a former reality-TV game show host and twice-permanently impeached president who never won the popular vote in any election are trying like hell to get him restored to office. In both the Peach State and the Grand Canyon State, GOP operatives have hired cyber security firms — that do not have any experience or certification in election integrity — to audits of the 2020 election in hopes of uncovering rampant voter fraud.

    Because of how they’ve been conducted, however, without giving a full and transparent accounting of their handling of key documents as well as into the audit process in general, most have dismissed the audits as, effectively, fake. Many see them as acts of political theater, engineered to keep the GOP base angry, and their pocketbooks open, so that donations can flow to help restore the tiny-handed wannabe tyrant to office.

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    Clearly, the former president and his cade of enablers, sycophants, and opportunistic peripherally related characters have a vested interest in these phony audits restoring him to power. However, there is only one question remaining: Will the fake audits remove the very real president from office?

    We contacted three constitutional scholars and asked them for their opinions on what’s going on. More specifically, we asked them whether or not the audits in Georgia and Arizona — and any other audits that Republicans conduct for that matter — can or will have any real impact on who runs the country.

    Below, are the experts’ replies.

    We asked: “Can hurt feelings and fake audits legally remove a president from office?”

    Susan B., 62, Law Professor at Northwest Southern Idaho University:

    “I’ve been studying the Constitution for over forty years now. I’ve never come upon a backsies clause, or anything that says if your feelings are hurt by losing, you get to audit your way back into office.”

    Gary C., 42, Practicing Constitutional Lawyer

    “I certainly can feel some empathy for someone who is such a pathetic loser that they could only become president on a fluke scenario of foreign help, and a series of swing state wins by a margin of a few thousand votes. But, no, there is no power given to individual state audits run by political parties to reverse the certified results of any election, ex post facto. That’s real or fake audits.”

    Barack O., 59, Former President, Constitutional Scholar, Bane of Don Trump’s Existence


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    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

    James Schlarmann
    James Schlarmann
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.