Monday, August 8, 2022
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    Every Member of Congress Ranked from Smartest to Marjorie Taylor Greene

    Understandably, the federal government collects and archives scores of data on the people who serve in Congress. Each member draws a six figure, taxpayer-funded paycheck, and such the American people have been granted deep access into the personal and financial history of each person who has been a member of either the House of Representatives or the U.S. Senate. This week, the National Bureau of Keeping Tabs on Shit (NBKTS) released the results of an annual intelligence test, administered to the 535 men, women, and horses who serve as your elected members of Congress.

    The NBKTS released a ranked list along with their deeper analysis of each Senator or House member’s scores. We had planned to reprint the list in its entirety, but the intern we put in charge of typing it into the computer found herself with a case of diarrhea so bad, she couldn’t finish the job. Working under a hard deadline, our staff determined it was best to re-create the list from what we could remember of it. Unfortunately, we could only remember the last three names on the list. Fortunately, it was the three abjectly and objectively stupidest elected officials currently in office.

    WILL BIDEN MAKE YOU GET GAY MARRIED BEFORE HE ISSUES YOU A VACCINE PASSPORT PRINTED BY ANTIFA, INC?

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    533. Rep. Louie Gohmert (Q-TX)
    534. Rep. Lauren “Bobo” Boebert (Q-CO)
    535. Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA)

    A COMPLETE LIST OF ALL THE AWFUL THINGS RUSH LIMBAUGH HAS SAID SINCE HE STOPPED BREATHING

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    Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

    James Schlarmannhttps://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
    Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.