Local News
Fire Chief Robert T. Moron Suggests Without Smoke Alarms There’d Be No Arson
RIO ESTUPIDO, TEXAS — At a weekly press conference today, Fire Chief Robert T. ...
Adorable! This Cop Just Tear-Gassed The Protesters He Knelt With Less Than 12 Hours Ago!
This is one of the cutest things you’ll ever see, and we’re not even ...
Local Cop Will Stop Beating the Fuck Out of You As Soon as You Stop Resisting the Beating
St. EMMETTILL, ILLINOIS — This hero with a badge will stop beating the living ...
Coronavirus Quarantine Hand Washing Has Man Starting to Enjoy the Feel of Sandpaper on His Junk
CHAFED WOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA — Local stock trader Jay Hodges told friends in a ...
Man Wishes His Imaginary Friends Would Just Get Along With His Made-Up Wife
ILLUSORY FIELDS, KENTUCKY — A local man has “had it up to here” and ...
Town Passes Law Allowing You to Shit on TP Hoarders’ Lawns
LAKE PELOUSE DE MERDE, WISCONSIN — On a 3-2 vote, the local city council ...
Woman Wishes Husband Would Have Told Her What an Asshole He Is Before She Made Kids With Him
MEADOWBURGH, MICHIGAN — If she would have known 15 years ago that her husband ...
Jesus: “It’s Cute When Christians Think Bernie’s Too Socialist”
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — This morning during a heavenly press conference, Jesus Hubert ...
Man’s Dick Suing Him For Power of Attorney
VALLE CHORIZO, CALIFORNIA — A landmark case is working itself through the California court ...
Jesus Christ Announces He’s Returned to Try Another Sandwich
BUFFALO, NEW YORK — The Bible foretells that when the End Times are upon ...
