Local News
Coronavirus Quarantine Hand Washing Has Man Starting to Enjoy the Feel of Sandpaper on His Junk
CHAFED WOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA — Local stock trader Jay Hodges told friends in a ...
Man Wishes His Imaginary Friends Would Just Get Along With His Made-Up Wife
ILLUSORY FIELDS, KENTUCKY — A local man has “had it up to here” and ...
Town Passes Law Allowing You to Shit on TP Hoarders’ Lawns
LAKE PELOUSE DE MERDE, WISCONSIN — On a 3-2 vote, the local city council ...
Woman Wishes Husband Would Have Told Her What an Asshole He Is Before She Made Kids With Him
MEADOWBURGH, MICHIGAN — If she would have known 15 years ago that her husband ...
Jesus: “It’s Cute When Christians Think Bernie’s Too Socialist”
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — This morning during a heavenly press conference, Jesus Hubert ...
Man’s Dick Suing Him For Power of Attorney
VALLE CHORIZO, CALIFORNIA — A landmark case is working itself through the California court ...
Jesus Christ Announces He’s Returned to Try Another Sandwich
BUFFALO, NEW YORK — The Bible foretells that when the End Times are upon ...
Tennessee Democrats Considering a 48-Hour Waiting Period for Erections
NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE — In 2015, conservatives in Deep Red Tennesee seriously considered making the ...
Ted Cruz: “The Democrats Just Learned You Can’t Impeach a Monarch in a Coronation Year”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — It was never any big secret on the Hill. President Donald ...
Graham: “If the Media Were Nicer to Trump, He Wouldn’t Have Tried to Extort Ukraine”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Republicans holding onto a small majority in the Senate, and ...
