Babylon Bee Moves Corporate Headquarters to Gilead

LAKE PROPAGANDA, MICHIGAN — The publishing company that owns The Babylon Bee has struck a deal to move the base of operations for America’s premiere right-wing Christian propaganda outlet from the United States to the new sovereign nation of Gilead.

“We wanted to move our headquarters to a place that we knew where the morals and values that we have will be fostered, appreciated, and supported,” Babylon Bee said in a statement. “After realizing we couldn’t move our base of operations literally into the Bible, we did the next best thing and packed up all our stuff, headed for Gilead.”

In recent weeks, The Babylon Bee has been attacking fact-checking site Snopes. The publishers of The Bee believe that they had one of their articles unfairly criticized by a fact check that Snopes did on an article meant to lampoon a black Georgia Democrat. The writer at Snopes who performed the background check intimated that The Bee’s content was more propaganda than satire, touching off a firestorm of condemnation and hand wringing from conservative pundits. Despite the fact that Snopes has fact checked several liberal satire pieces, The Babylon Bee has maintained its stance that they are unfairly singled out.

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“I know this might come as a shock to some people out there, but right-wing Christians are pretty good at the whole victim complex thing,” one Snopes source told us on the condition of anonymity and Peanut M&M’s, “So, no, the only criteria we have for fact checking satire is that it be popular enough to go viral from being shared so much. You’d think that the people at the Bee would be understanding of that, and something tells me they are, and are just enjoying the free press they’re creating for themselves by martyring themselves.”

Moving to Gilead will allow The Babylon Bee to produce the content Gilead’s readers want, while also avoiding taxes and other such “tools of sin,” they said.

“It’ll be nice to not have to hire any female writers, since you know, it’s illegal for women for read or write in Gilead,” one Babylon Bee executive said on a conference call announcing the move today, “The savings in overhead will be quite substantial. We’ll be able to afford to hire fifteen more white dudes to scour the Bible and Rush Limbaugh newsletter articles for material.”

The government of Gilead issued a statement welcoming The Babylon Bee.

“Of course, too much humor is a sin, and will get you put on the Wall here in Gilead,” the statement reads, “but for now, we are grateful the Good Lord has sent the blessing of people who pretend to be comedians to help push our agenda, which is far more radical to modern Americans than anything we accuse liberals of supporting. Blessed be the fruit!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James’ newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.

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