James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

5 Reasons You Should Not Vote for Bernie Sanders

Should you vote for Bernie Sanders? We have no clue. Seriously. We don’t. It’s ...

Trump Campaign Buys Hundreds of Thousands of Tiki Torches in Anticipation of Rally Crowd Sizes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s re-election campaign issued a financial report today containing ...

President’s Rape Accuser Subpoenas McDonald’s for Trump’s DNA

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Advice columnist E. Jean Carroll is currently locked in a legal ...

Trump Whistleblower Hires Rand Paul’s Neighbor as Bodyguard

Today, Senator Rand Paul (R-Putin’s Payroll) had a question for the House impeachment managers ...

During Impeachment Q&A Cruz Asks: “Isn’t Trump As Innocent As My Wife Is Ugly?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The question of whether or not to call additional witnesses during ...

Barack Obama Narrated Audiobook Version of Explosive New Bolton Memoir

Former Ambassador and Trump national security adviser John Bolton’s new book, The Room Where It ...

Obama: “Holy Sh*t Michelle! How Did I Miss All Those Guns?!”

SECRET SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN KENYA — Yesterday, Lord Blacky McVoldemort Hussein Obama turned ...