James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Update: There Are Still LEGO On The Goddamned Floor

EL PIESANGRIENTO, CALIFORNIA — Sources are confirming at the time of publications that, despite ...

12 Pictures of Kittens So Cute You’ll Want to Punch a Nun

Around this office, we’re big fans of cute little kittens. You could say we ...

President Promises TrumpCare Will ‘Absolutely Cover Non-Existing Conditions’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump appears to be already jockeying for position in ...

Jesus: “It’s Cute When Christians Think Bernie’s Too Socialist”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — This morning during a heavenly press conference, Jesus Hubert ...

Man’s Dick Suing Him For Power of Attorney

VALLE CHORIZO, CALIFORNIA — A landmark case is working itself through the California court ...