James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Nothing Out Of The Ordinary Happens After California Man Smokes Legal Weed

RAIN CANYON, CALIFORNIA — Authorities in California are confirming that over the weekend a ...

Sex Toys “R” Us Announces Record Profits And Dozens Of Store Openings

BONE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Retail giant Sex Toys “R” Us has announced that they ...

New Restaurant Caters To Anti-Vaxxers With A Taste For Tide Pods

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — At Maison Des Gens Stupides, Chef Roy Ardi says his ...

Future SpaceX Projects Will Be Funded With Sales Of New Cologne: “Elon’s Musk”

This morning, billionaire entrepreneur and inventor Elon Musk watched another one of his SpaceX ...

Typing “Go F##k Yourself” On Facebook Now Unleashes A Stream Of Cute Little Animated Dildos

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Social media giant Facebook is constantly trying to improve the ...