James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Hipster Will Only Do Challenge With Non-GMO Tide Pods

24 year old Chad Braddington drinks only cold brew coffee. Chad only grocery shops where he ...

Report: Mansplaining Most Effective Contraceptive Available

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — A groundbreaking new scientific study has been released by ...

Parents Admit Middle Child Neither of Their Favorite

WHISTLER’S COB, IDAHO — Jack and Mary Beth Scoggins absolutely love their three children, ...

Gushers To Roll Out New Fruit Flavored Detergent Pods

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — General Mills, makers of the Gushers brand of fruit chews, announced ...

Nothing Out Of The Ordinary Happens After California Man Smokes Legal Weed

RAIN CANYON, CALIFORNIA — Authorities in California are confirming that over the weekend a ...

Sex Toys “R” Us Announces Record Profits And Dozens Of Store Openings

BONE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Retail giant Sex Toys “R” Us has announced that they ...