James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Town Passes Law Allowing You to Shit on TP Hoarders’ Lawns

LAKE PELOUSE DE MERDE, WISCONSIN — On a 3-2 vote, the local city council ...

5 Fun Hospitals For That Perfect Spring Break Getaway

You’re young! You’re hip! You’re down to party, and damn it, it’s SPRING BREAK! ...

Local Man Not Defensive, But Why Are You Even Asking?!

OBTUSE GARDENS, ILLINOIS — No. No. No. No. No. It doesn’t matter how many times ...

Local Gym Owner Confident His COVID-19 Email Just Made All the Difference

SPAMM MOUNTAIN, WASHINGTON — As he closed down his laptop for the day yesterday, ...

Houston Astros in Talks to Sign Tom Brady

HOUSTON, TEXASS — Major League Baseball’s Houston Astros have reportedly reached out to the ...

Update: There Are Still LEGO On The Goddamned Floor

EL PIESANGRIENTO, CALIFORNIA — Sources are confirming at the time of publications that, despite ...

12 Pictures of Kittens So Cute You’ll Want to Punch a Nun

Around this office, we’re big fans of cute little kittens. You could say we ...