James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

McConnell: “Trump’s Not Above the Law, It Just Doesn’t Apply to Him”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters outside the rotunda today ...

Alabama GOP Releases Pamphlet: 10 Things We’ll Still Let You Do With Your Vagina

FORT ENFANT MARIÉE, ALABAMA —  The Republican caucus within Alabama’s state legislature, perhaps under ...

Trump Signs Trade Deal With Nambia To Triple Annual U.S. Covfefe Imports

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump held a signing ceremony in the Oval Office ...

Pat Robertson Begs ‘The Gays’ to Only Do ‘Hand and Mouth Stuff’ Until After Hurricane Season

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA — Televangelist Pat Robertson told a podcast audience this week that ...

Trump Tells Queen She Should Ask for New Great Grandson’s Long Form Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. — On a call with Buckingham Palace, President Donald Trump offered Queen ...

Trump Gives Tiger Woods Presidential Medal of Adultery

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, President Donald Trump gave golf champion Tiger Woods a medal ...