James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Alabama Democrat Proposes Mandatory Vasectomies Until Marriage

RÉCIPROQUE BAY, ALABAMA — A Democrat in the State of Alabama has drafted new ...

Georgia Newborn Charged With Murder for Absorbing Her Twin Before Birth

RIO CHINGADEROS LOCOS, GEORGIA — Authorities in a small Georgia town are reporting that ...

Trump Family To Start “White House Shopping Network” To Hock Wares From The Oval Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In 2017, White House Senior Skeletal Vapid Mupppet Adviser Kellyanne Conway drew ...

Alabama GOP Propose New State Miscarriage Investigation Unit

STONEWALL COUNTY, ALABAMA — Just a couple of weeks after Alabama’s governor signed a ...

Man Arrested for Public Defecation After Memorial Day Salute to the Confederacy

FORT BENEDICT, KENTUCKY  — A man was arrested earlier this morning after someone alerted ...

Study Confirms 100% of Abortions Still None of Your F**king Business

Several red states are in various stages of implementing sweeping abortion bans aimed squarely ...

Trump Takes Time on Memorial Day to Honor Vets Who Weren’t Captured Before They Were Killed

JAPAN — While traveling abroad today, President Donald Trump sent a very special message ...

Ken Starr Sees a ‘Stunning Lack of Bl*wj*bs’ In Obstruction Case Against Trump

WACO, TEXAS — Ken Starr became a household name while he was the Republican-picked ...

Kentucky GOP Wants to Ban Abortion After Sexual Attraction

THEOCRATIC MOUNTAIN, KENTUCKY –Republicans in the Kentucky legislature have announced they will bring a ...