James Schlarmann 
Coronavirus Update: Area Flasher Desperate for Parks to Open Up Again
NOIX NUES, LOUISIANA — Chad Stripley has really not enjoyed his time under coronavirus ...
5 Signs You’re Oppressed and Not Just Being Asked to Skip Sunbathing So Humanity Survives a Pandemic
As the nation, and indeed the planet, attempts to grapple with how to recover ...
Man’s Dick Denies All Liability For His Actions
VILLAGE DES SaUCISSES, LOUISIANA — Garth Blanston’s dick does not and will not take ...
UPDATE: No YOU’RE Drinking Too Much During the Coronavirus Quarantine, Asshole!
Oh, oh, you think I’ve had too much to drink, do you? You think ...
Taco Bell Unveils New “Nacho Cheese Chalu-IPA” Craft Beer
IRVINE, CALIFORNIA — Alleged food purveyor Taco Bell will be the latest California-based company ...
White Claw Reveals Its 7 Least Popular Flavors
Adult beverage maker White Claw has become quite popular over the last year or ...
4 Ways to Tell If You Use the Word “Sheeple” Too Much
There are certain words in the English language that are categorically terrible, stupid, idiotic ...
Coronavirus Quarantine Hand Washing Has Man Starting to Enjoy the Feel of Sandpaper on His Junk
CHAFED WOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA — Local stock trader Jay Hodges told friends in a ...
Man Wishes His Imaginary Friends Would Just Get Along With His Made-Up Wife
ILLUSORY FIELDS, KENTUCKY — A local man has “had it up to here” and ...
Town Passes Law Allowing You to Shit on TP Hoarders’ Lawns
LAKE PELOUSE DE MERDE, WISCONSIN — On a 3-2 vote, the local city council ...
