There are certain words in the English language that are categorically terrible, stupid, idiotic words to use. We’re not talking about words like the “N”-word, though. Those are words that are categorically racist and also terrible, stupid, idiotic words to use. No, what we’re talking about right now are words that may not be offensive because they’re profane, prejudiced, or dangerous. We’re talking about words that are undeniably stupidi-dumb-lametacular to use. Words like, for example, “sheeple.”

Ask yourself this question — when have you ever seen the word “sheeple” used in a non-facepalm-licious way? When has anyone in the entire recorded history of humankind ever used the word “sheeple” in a way that moves the species forward in some way? When, in fact, has anyone used the word “sheeple” and added literally anything to the conversation?

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Mostly, “sheeple” gets used when someone can’t seem to understand why a group of people wouldn’t accept their personal opinion as fact. Truly, a lot of people use “sheeple” when they don’t comprehend that their opinions are dogma that everyone should be forced by dictatorial fiat to run their lives accordingly.

You see? “Shepple” is a categorically terrible, stupid, idiotic word to use. But how do you know if you’re using “sheeple” too much in your own life? Well, luckily for you, we’ve put together this handy, 4-point guide, so you know if you’re using “sheeple” too much.

#4. Are You Using The Word “Sheeple” Right Now?

Be honest. Just…be honest with us, okay? This is a safe space. Sure, we’ll judge you, and we’ll judge you harshly. But not until you go and are out of earshot. Then we’ll talk all kinds of shit, depending on how you answer this question. It’s really very simple. Are you using the word “sheeple” right now? If so, then yes, you’re using it too much and should probably stop. Unless being called an “asshole” behind your back is a thing you like, of course.

#3. Have You Used The Word “Sheeple” In The Last Year?

Again, you being honest with us, but importantly yourself, is the only way we’re all going to get through this mess on the other side. So, the question simply must be asked — have you used the word “sheeple” at any point in the last year? Because if you have, even if you’ve only used it once in a 365-day timespan, you’ve used it too much. We don’t make the rules; we just inform you about them.

#2. Has The Word “Sheeple” Ever Even Come Out Of Your Mouth Accidentally?

Here’s the thing — you can accidentally shoot someone if your finger slips on the trigger. You can accidentally shit on your neighbor’s lawn if you happen to be walking on it late at night, pants down, and after having eaten six combo meals from Taco Bell. The same logic applies to saying “sheeple.” It can just come out of your mouth on accident, and you’d be just as responsible for it as you would be if your gun went off in your hand, killing a nun crossing the street. Therefore, even if you’ve said it on accident, you’ve said “sheeple” too much.

#1. Will You Ever Use the Word “Sheeple” In Your Life?

We realize this might be a hard question for you to answer. Unless of course you’re lucky enough to be able to see the future, you probably don’t know if you’ll ever use the word “sheeple.” You definitely shouldn’t, and if you do it says a whole lot of stuff about you that you probably don’t want being said. But, we get it. You can’t possibly know for certain if you’ll use the word in your lifetime. Still, if you answered, “Yes,” to this question, then without a doubt you are definitely going to be using it too much.

Remember: Friends don’t let friends use stupid, meaningless words.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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